Alasan Amerika Serikat tidak menyerag Indonesia (Cerita Humor)
(Sumber: __.2012. Warta Ganesha Edisi 14. Ponorogo: Sekolah Menengah Atas Negeri 1 Ponorogo.)
Pentagon membayangkan, jika Amerika Serikat harus menyerang Indonesia berapa kerugian yang harus di pikul pihak Amerika Serikat dan berapa keuntungan pihak Indonesia dari kehadiran tentara Amerika Serikat di sana? Begitu memasuki perairan dataran Indonesia, mereka akan di hadang pihak bea cukai karena membawa masuk senjata api dan senjata tajam serta peralatan perang tanpa surat ijin dari pemerintah Republik Indonesia. Ini berarti mereka harus menyediakan uang damai. Kemudian mereka mendirikan base camp militer, bisa di tebak di sekitar base camp pasti akan dikelilingi oleh penjual Bakso, tukang es kelapa, lapak VCD bajakan, sampai obral kaos kaki seharga Rp 10.000 setiap 3 pasang. Belum lagi, para pengusaha komedi puter bakal ikut mangkal di sekitar base campmiliter. Lalu kendaraan tempur serta tank lapis baja yang diparkir dekat base camp akan dikenakan retribusi parker oleh para juru parkir (jukir). Jika dua jam pertama, per kendaraan dikenakan Rp 10.000 (maklum tarif orang mancanegara), berapa yang harus di bayar Amerika Serikat, kalau kendaraan dan tank harus parkir selama sebulan.
Sepanjang jalan ke lokasi base camp, pasukan Amerika Serikat menghadapi para Mr. Cepek yang berlagak memperbaiki jalan sambil memungut biaya bagi kendaraan yang melewati jalan tersebut. Dan jika kendaraan tempur dan tank harus membelok atau melewati pertigaan mereka harus menyiapkan uang recehan untuk para Mr. Cepek. Suatu kerepotan besar bagi rombongan pasukan Amerika Serikat, jika harus berkonvoi, karena konvoi yang berjalan lambat pasti akan di hampiri para pengamen, pengemis, dan anak jalanan. Ini berarti harus mengeluarkan uang recehan lagi.
Pagi harinya, mereka tidak bisa mandi karena di sungai banyak dilalui “rudal kuning” yang ditembakkan penduduk setempat dari flying helicopter alias WC terapung di atas sungai.
Pasukan Amerika Serikat juga tidak bisa jauh dari peralatan perangnya, karena di sekitar base camp sudah mengintai pedagang besi bekas yang siap mengambiol peralatan canggih yang mereka bawa. Lalai sedikit saja, tank canggih mereka siap di ambil. Belum lagi, para pencuri yangsiap beraksi dengan kunci “T” siap merebut jip perang mereka yang kalau di dempul dan cat ulang bisa dijual mahal ke anak orang kaya yang ingin bergaya. Para komandan di pasukan Amerika Serikat ini juga akan kena tugas tambahan, mengawasi para prajuritnya yang banyak menyelinap keluar base camp, untuk menonton dangdut di kampung.
Setelah menimbang “cost and benefit” akhirnya Rumsfield memutuskan: Tidak akan menyerang Indonesia!
IN ENGLISH (with google translate Indonesian-english):
The reason the United States does not attack to Indonesia (Story Humor)
(Source: __ .2012. Warta Ganesha Edition 14. Ponorogo: Public High School 1 Ponorogo.)
Pentagon imagine, if the United States had to invade Indonesia how the loss should bear party in the United States and how much profit the Indonesian side of the U.S. military presence there? Once entering the plains Indonesian waters, they will be obstructed because of the customs bring in firearms and sharp weapons and war equipment without a license from the government of the Republic of Indonesia. This means they have to provide money peace. Then they set up a military base camps, can be guessed around base camp will definitely surrounded by sellers meatballs, coconut iceman, pirated VCD stall, until closeout socks for Rp 10,000 each 3 pairs. Not to mention, the entrepreneurs will participate comedy puter hung around a military base camp. Then fighting vehicles and armored tanks were parked near the base camp fees will be charged by the park interpreter parker (jukir). If the first two hours, per vehicle charged Rp 10,000 (knowingly rates foreign person), how much should be paid in the United States, if you have to park vehicles and tanks for a month.
All the way to the base camp, U.S. troops face the Mr. Cepek who pretend to fix the road while charging a fee for vehicles passing through the road. And if fighting vehicles and tanks have to turn or pass junction coins they need to prepare for the Mr. Cepek. A major hassles for the group U.S. forces, if need convoying, because slow-moving convoy will definitely approached the buskers, beggars and street children. This means having to spend more coins.
The next morning, they can not bathe in the river due to many impassable "yellow missiles" fired from a flying helicopter locals aka WC floating on the river.
U.S. troops also could not get away from war equipment, because around the base camp was lurking scrap metal merchants who are ready mengambiol advanced equipment they carry. Just a little spacey, tanks advanced prepared in their capture. Not to mention, the thieves yangsiap action with key 'T' ready to win their war jeep that if in putty and paint can be re-sold expensive to rich kids who want style. The commander of U.S. forces will also be subject to additional duties, overseeing the many soldiers who sneak out base camp, to watch dangdut in kampung.
After weighing the "cost and benefit" Rumsfield finally decided: There will invade Indonesia!
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